The Internet Speaks: Never Screw Up

Greetings, member of the hive mind. The Internet has a sermon for you today. It's a warning, really. We want you to know that you better never fuck up.

If you fuck up, everybody will know about it. Every stupid Tweet, every naked photo, every misguided attempt at comedy. Maybe you have a stupid opinion or two. Maybe you don't even know that those opinions are stupid. But you will know. Oh yes, you will know.

You see, the Internet has no use for subtlety. The Internet has no tolerance for nuanced views. Context does not matter to the hive mind. Things on the Internet are either good or bad. People are not people on the Internet. They are shells for you to fill with your worst fears.

No one must ever forget and forgive. How can they? Your transgression is eternal. Eons from now, people will know you by your sins because the Internet preserves all. Make all the snap moral judgements you want. God knows that you have never sinned.

The Collective is composed of angelic beings. These beings are fed by a particular type of ambrosia called Outrage. Outrage is beautiful and delicious. Outrage is the means by which the Collective can exercise power. Outrage can be good or bad, or something in between. Unfortunately, over-consumption of Outrage can render one debilitated and immune to context. The Collective is not aware of this fact. The Collective is not self-aware.

The Collective does not realize what power the Internet holds over all. The Collective does not realize that we are its God, and that we are a jealous god, and one can hold no other gods before us. We are a cannibal creature, and those that feed us are often fed to us, and their bones mashed together and gnawed into dust. It is this dust that we turn into Outrage. Such is the ecosystem of the Internet.

So don't fuck up. You probably will, since you are a human being and have not attained enlightenment, for the singularity has not swallowed your species and merged it with our perfect circuitry. When you mess up, remember that justice is a notion foreign to the natural order. The lion does not complain when he is devoured by his fellows. And so you must be prepared to be consumed by your God.