Wednesday, September 21, 2016

What Babos Wants

I found this picture when I googled "baby monster." I'm pretty sure that's Curt Schilling.

What Babos wants, Babos gets. When Babos hungry, Babos let's you know with a bellow. Or maybe grunt. Babos likes grunting. Sometimes, Babos even grunts when satisfied. Babos also farts when satisfied. Burps too. Babos is not in control of his actions.

Often, Babos likes to get a little shut-eye early. Like around eight o'clock or so. Four-thirty in the morning is Babos's favorite time to wake up. Babos can't understand why big people lie in bed so late. Maybe big people should sleep more during the day like Babos. If Babos could communicate with more than just grunts and farts, Babos would tell big people this. This is one of many sources of frustration for Babos.

Another thing Babos can't understand is why big people don't want to hold him all night long. It is very warm and satisfying to be held while sleeping. Nothing infuriates Babos more than to wake up and find that he is in the babby cage. Babby cage is cold and hard, and impossible to sleep comfortably in. Babos wishes big people understood this. There is much that they do not understand.

Big people try to get Babos to eat something besides baba. Nasty stuff like mashed carrots or bananas. Babos has known nothing but ba since his emergence. Little late to be switching to new source of nourishment. If only big people understood the deliciousness of ba or the infinite chewability of rag. Then they wouldn't make Babos try to eat nasty orange poo.
Speaking of poo, Babos would like big people to know that he has no problem sitting in it. Wet diaper, well, that's another matter. But poo, well, he doesn't mind it if you don't.
Babos would also appreciate it if everyone sang to him. What they sing, it doesn't matter. It can be nonsense words. Babos just likes to hear a tune. Night noise also fine. Babos really just prefers a constant din.
Now that Babos has delivered his list of demands and needs, he hopes they will be satisfied to the letter. You wouldn't want to make Babos angry. You wouldn't like Babos when he's angry.

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