Dis here's me uncles Thom and Lester talkin' bout polictics.
Well folks, teh erection is just weeks away and teh country will decided who will become top chef in chief. Now somehows theres a bunch of undecided people, that is, if yur listenin to teh literal media, so I thought I'd lay it all out simple like so's people would know who would make teh best president outta hellery and Teh Donald. Here goes my attempt at reasoning using ma double-brains (taht is a subject fer another post.). It won't be perty, but as my pa always said, she don't need to have all her teeth to make a decent box of hambooger helper.
Butfer you can vote fer Hellery, you need to ask yerself "Where is all teh emails?" Apparantly, Hellery had some emails that she took outta her computer so that tehy wouldn't find out she was besties wit teh devil or something like taht. I've tried getting emails outta my compooter before, but after smashing it wit a hammar and lighting it on fire, I has yet to find my own missin emails, so I sympathize wit Hellery. I also believe taht emails are private corrispondance between two consenting adults, so if Hellery is friends wit teh devil, it really ain't nobody's business. I have a lot of bad friends in bad places, but so what? I still get to work a half hour late just like everbody else. Apparantly also Hellery is in bed wit Wallstreet, whoever taht is. I used to know a Backstreet but I never mets a Wallstreet. Also teh worst thing abouts Hellery is that she's married to former President Slick Willy, who plays teh saxophone and has had manny lovers. If you can stomach all of that, maybe you should vote for her, I dunno.
Teh big alternative to Hellery is Teh Donald. My family is very pro-Donald; Slack has already had a Conferderate flag made wit Donald's face on it, and Willy has went aroudn thrownin bricks wit Donald's name painted on em threw people's windows. As far as I can tell, teh main message of teh Donald is that he hates persons of color and likes to grab women by tehre genatals. I was always told taht those were bad things, but I guess teh times, tehy are a changing just like taht jew Bobby Dylan said. Slack says taht when teh Donald becomes furur, everbody will get there own trailer and a tweleve pack of bud light along wit their welware check. SO I guess if yu like Bud Light you should vote fer teh Donald.
Personally, my main issues is what are teh canadates going ta do about all teh trash in my yard? Will one of em send tah secret service to come clean up all tah poo and girlie mags? A bear got in my Uncle Thom's cabin and made an awful mess that's blown across teh valley. It really is an ecological distaster. Maybe teh Donald will make Hellery clean it up after she gets done being in jail. I dunno. Vote wit yur heart, not yur brain.