Mama, Why You Take Me Grapes?

Mama, why you take me grapes? Me grapes a treat. Oftentimes, me grapes are eaten several times throughout the day. If Mama take me grapes, how will I have grapes to eat? That is why I ask the question, Mama. That is why I must know.

If Mama take me grapes, then what will Mama take next? Me cereal? Me milk? Me precious fishies? Mama must learn that particular foods in the house belong to Baby and Baby has dibs. If you want to take me grapes, for example, you must first ask. "Please, Baby, can Mama take me grapes to work?" Wasn't so hard, was it, Mama? It's just basic courtesy to ask before one takes.

Sure, I may take liberally from one's own plate. I may stretch my arm across your dinner to select the choicest bits. Such is my prerogative, being a little more than two and a half years old. Hell, when I'm done eating, half of the time I flip my dish in the air and hurl my spoon at the closest bystander. So I recognize the contradiction, believe you me. But keep your hands off me grapes, Mama, if you know what is good for you.

Do you realize that I could get up, not at one, not at three, but at five in the morning and join you in the communal bed? Mama, I try to take the greatest care not to interrupt your sleeping patterns. Such courtesy could disappear, if you know what I'm saying. I could be plagued by night-terrors or restless feet. You could feel my little toe claws digging into your backside a mere hour before you need to rise. Also, I could moan for water in the middle of the night, although that affects Daddy more than you. But I could think of something, Mama. I would do it for me grapes.

Baby don't understand why Mama need to take whole pack of me grapes to work. That seems excessive, Mama. Even Baby don't eat that many grapes. Baby want grapes. Baby love grapes. But Baby don't take whole package of grapes to Nana's, do he, Mama?

Baby don't want Mama to start a precedent. Keep them hands off me grapes, Mama. I won't tell you again.