Conan Brothers Q&A

NattyJuice405 asks "Bros, what is your training like? We haven't had an update in a while."

Dave: It goes the same as it always goes.

Arnold: Weightlifting isn't an intellectual pursuit. It's about lifting heavy shit. That's why meatheads are good at it.

Dave: But we aren't your average meatheads.

Arnold: We know how to read, write, and bake a meatcake.

Dave: Don't eat his meatcake.

Arnold: I'm currently doing a 5/3/1 variation of my own creation. Behold:

Sunday: Front squat 5/3/1 progression, split squats for 5 sets of 10, calf raises 5 sets of 10.

Tuesday: Bench press 5/3/1, cable rows 5 sets of 10, pressdowns 5 sets of 10.

Thursday: Power clean 5/3/1, leg curl 5 sets of 10, dumbbell good morning 5 sets of 10.

Saturday: Press 5/3/1, chin ups AMAP 5 sets of 5, barbell curl 5 sets of 10.

I do optional upper body stuff throughout the week if I feel like it, curls, side laterals, and so forth. I don't want to particularly think about my training at the moment, so this works.

Dave: I just lift weights.

Arnold: Yeah, well, I'm a special snowflake and you're a piece of poo-poo.

...

MarvelMonkey asks "Avengers: Infinity War. Thoughts?"

Dave: It was pretty good for an animated flick.

Arnold: Best romantic comedy I've seen in a long time.

Dave: The song and dance was really spectacular.

Arnold: Just a good ol' time at the movies.

Dave: I could have done with a little less scrotum chin.

Arnold: I really wanted Robert Downey Jr.'s head on a pike, and I am disappointed that did not happen.

Dave: I never like the team-up movies as much as the individual ones. I didn't think it was as good as Thor: Ragnarok or Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Arnold: But the deaths, Dave. All of which have no consequence.

Dave: I also thought Thanos's plan was stupid. Like, dude, just make half the universe infertile if you're so worried about over-population. Maybe he would've met less resistant had be been giving out free castrations.

Arnold: Maybe he would've met more.

...

PCPrincess asks "Do you guys think Trump will ever be held accountable for his gross criminality and corruption?"

Dave: That's like asking if the devil will ever get his due.

Arnold: This country is so partisan that there will always be a large percentage of the voting public that will support Trump, even if he's caught on video pledging allegiance to Russia while pissing on an American flag.

Dave: But, but the Mueller investigation!

Arnold: Like I said, it doesn't really matter what he uncovers. I have no faith in humanity. Trump is the idiot god of old white racists. It doesn't matter if he's taking payouts from corporations or selling off public lands. He's got Fox News on his side, and conservatives have brainwashed their constituents into believing that Fox is the only legitimate source of news. Fox doesn't report on his scandals.

Dave: But, but maybe the Democrats will take back Congress and he'll be impeached!

Arnold: They could take the House, but remember, it's pretty badly gerrymandered. The Senate is probably out of reach, baring a historic turnout.

Dave: But, but, but but!

Arnold: The idealistic part of me want to say that Trump will get his due. But that part died long ago, buried under a mountain of propaganda, dirty laundry, and meat-sweats.

Dave: Oh god, the meat-sweats.

Arnold: You got to pace yourself while eating meat. Never forget, Dave.

Dave: How could I?