- The Diary of Mitch R. Singer
- Hanging with the Goon
- The Consummate Politician Apologizes
- Rating the WWE's Roster by Their Stench
- The Esteemed Critic's Multiple Sentence Reviews
- Conan Brothers' Q&A
- Theme Park Mistress
- Hillsdale Paranormal Society
- Writer's Block
- Select Farmers Only Profiles
Saturday, December 20, 2014
A Christmas Story: The Death of Horace
Horace was a bad bear. He was made entirely out of gummi, and he was given to a man who ate bear flesh. A group of bears is called a sleuth, did you know? This is Horace's story.
Here Horace is, his figure still intact. I gnawed most of his head off. He was delicious.
In this photograph, I have used a bread knife to saw off most of Horace's head. His cranium is holding on by a thin strand. How grotesque!
As required by the ritual, Horace has been decapitated. I shall place this head on my ramparts as a warning to any travelers.
I am not uncivilized, however. Note the care I have taken to carve Horace's flesh into nice, ragged chunks for ease of consumption.
I find gummi bear goes best with a soft red wine, as the flavors compliment each other.
Yet in the end I could not restrain my hunger.
Rest easy, Horace. I shall use every part of you, like the Indians and the buffalo.