This Christmas, compensate for your tiny penis by purchasing a sixty-thousand dollar Ford F-150 Big Dick Edition pickup truck, the best-selling vehicle in America for ten years running. If you're a red-blooded American male who needs to feel better about having a penis that is at best an inch shorter than average, then you need to put down the cash and get comfortable with an auto loan that resembles a mortgage. Just think about how all those ladies will turn their heads when you rumble by in your jacked-up monstrosity that can't fit in a normal parking space. You need to move something? Good luck putting a futon in that four-foot bed. At least you'll have plenty of room in the cab for your slong, which will have magically grown a full twelve inches due to your gross display of financial and practical incompetence. YOU ARE A MAN; YOU NEED A TRUCK. You ever seen Real Man get out of something like a civic? Have you ever witnessed a guy with any masculine virtues hop out of a PT Cruiser? Get outta here with your baby-man cars. Here at Ford, we don't care if you flip burgers at McDonalds or manage a Target--you need a truck, and your penis will shrink if you don't pay a massively inflated price for one. This is pretty much American law at this point. Who cares how expensive gas is? You'll be watching that fuel gauge tick downward with satisfaction as your newly-inflated sweene strains against the inside of your pants. Dump a load in your brand new Ford F-150 Big Dick Edition! It comes with a pile of socks and Ford F-150 branded lotion, as well as a special console for you to hide your shame with discretion and class. Purchasing a truck is about feeling good about yourself no matter the cost to your wallet and the environment. So buck-up, buttercup. It's time to become a Real American. Buy a Ford F-150 Big Dick Edition this Christmas, and finally obtain a penis that'll take you from weenus to Jesus. Amen, brother.
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