Wake up in the morning, get the kids ready for school. Swallow down a protein shake that tastes like a lukewarm banana smoothie. Go to the house I grew up in, swallow down more coffee, venture outside in the humidity to labor in the fields like some sort of medieval peasant. Accidentally run over a box turtle with a lawn mower and feel like shit. Pick the kids up from school, take them home and slowly accumulate a decent amount of stress inside myself from listening to the screeching. Do the bedtime routine and then get two hours of time to myself, at best before starting the cycle all over again.
I've had a couple hours to do nothing today and I don't know what to do with myself.
Is it good for your psyche to waste time on the internet? How do I remove this stress from myself permanently?
I've tried meditation. It does seem to have a cumulative effect, yet it is often hard to find the time to do it. Maybe I should be meditating right now instead of keeping this blog alive.
Maybe I should manage my time better. Maybe those precious two hours should be used judiciously, spent on creative endeavors rather than Elden Ring. Maybe no time is truly wasted.
I dunno. I want more sleep. I want to sleep better. I love caffeine almost as much as I love beer, however, and neither improve my sleep quality.
Life seems to be full of constant trade-offs. You can have a job and a family and then forego free time and creative pursuits. You can have neither, and live in an empty house that yawns and threatens to swallow you. Somehow, you have to come to peace with your decision before you turn into a withered old man, sunburnt and hollow, all the vitality having been drained out by the years.
Pointless Venture will live again. Pointless Venture will die in ignominy.
I need to have time for someone to teach me the art of Wu Wei.
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