Well folks, its been many long moons and stars since teh Goon as walked upon teh mortal coil. Anothr season is upon us all; an taht means pickin' peaches, since I has notin' else in my life. An man oh man, does we has teh peaches! Sam has me out in teh orchard wit a backpack an a front pak to fill wit all teh peaches nature has given us. Sometimes I has to stop an eat a peach or two cuz utterwise I woundn't be able to pick any more--Sam's got me on a round teh clock schedule. Where I sleep is wehre I lay! Somtimes its teh barn and uttertimes its in teh deer stand so teh coyotes don't drag me off to tehir lair. I also has to watch out fer bigfoot cuz summer is his mad time an he's liable to make you his girlfriend even if you ain't willin' or quick enough. Anyways, this veritiable wealth of peaches has gone to Sams head an he's acting even crazier tehn usual. He wanna hire some high schooler to dance an prance in teh yard before teh highway taht run in front of teh orchard, an he wanna make um dress liek a giant peach. This is Goon work, you understand. I cant have any uneducated kid taeking my jobs. Its just liek Uncle Tom an teh illegals. As he recollects, if they didnt let so many illegals in, Tom would still be workin an teh booger king makin' woopers fer King Drump an his merry band of monsters. Honestly i dont know where I was goin' wit that; I guess I was trying to make an analalogy. We all has a right to work, dont we? May I should make a peach pickers Union, but teh only udder picker I know is Hernando, an I aint seen him fer many moons. Tis a lonely life, being a Goon. You got teh woods an teh crystal meth, an Slack, an tehre aint much else but teh pale white moon an teh ligh pullution blottin out teh stars. Somtimes I see my future an it aint no differnt from anyone elses, cuz we all gotta die, and dying is something we all gotta do by ourselves.What Melancohly words for such a stupendus time! I dunno, I has been in tehse moods lately where all I do is reflect on what can an shall never bes. When I get all teh big bucks from pickin' peaches I'll go off to Mexico an find Hernando an maybe live wit him in teh desert next to tehy beach an watch all teh plastic lap against teh shore. Somebody give teh Goon a little light in teh darkness of existance. I needs to finds a God.
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