There's too Much of Everything

There's too damn much of everything out there. Take music. There are more genres than I have fingers and toes, and that's too damn many genres, lemme tell you! I haven't bought a record since 2005, and it was a Flaming Lips record, and for that I am truly sorry. I don't know shit about all the streaming services. People don't buy music anymore, I guess, unless it's on vinyl, because people like to waste their money. At this point, I'm convinced that music is for hipsters because nobody likes to waste more money on intangibles than hipsters. Get off my lawn, hipsters! Take your Korean noise pop and shove it up your ass.

There are too many damn tv shows out there as well. Netflix is full of shit based off of other shit. You want a cyberpunk Game of Thrones full of gratuitous nudity and violence? Well then, watch Altered Carbon. Are you yearning for an eighties pastiche of Stephen King and Stephen Spielberg? Watch Stranger Things. You like raunchy cartoons like Family Guy? Hello Bojack Horseman (which is better than Family Guy). Every network has a big budget show. SyFy has the Expanse, which is wonderful, but I don't want to pay attention to every goddamn episode! Give me old school Star Trek, where I could enjoy a one-off about Riker catching an alien STD on a pleasure planet. I'm subscribing to five different streaming services, for chrissakes. Why is that? How did it come to this?

Movies are just as bad. I haven't seen a non-superhero movie in theaters in five years, and I don't even like superheroes that much! Last year, a Justice League movie came out with Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman in it and nobody saw it! Every year we get a Star Wars film. Evey year Marvel pumps out another flick. I used to see good movies in theaters like There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men. What the fuck happened? Do they still make movies without superheroes in them?

Lastly, what about video games? Five-thousand games debut on Steam every day. Everybody plays multiplayer shit where you run around aimlessly for fifteen minutes until someone shoots you from behind a tree half a mile away, and then you wait ten minutes to respawn. Hipsters have taken over the gaming industry now. I don't want to play a goddamn game about how you found your grandma's cat murdered by elves, rendered in glorious 8 bit color. What happened to fragging, damn it? Where have all the Quake-killers gone?

I'm old, damn it. This world isn't for me. Youtube and Twitch and Smartphones are for the next generation. Excuse me while I lumber off somewhere to read the paper in my outhouse. Let me know when it is five o'clock. That's dinner time.