Jesus Christ, he's a douchebag.
Originally, if you were a woman asking your insurer about maternal benefits, a giant fist would've materialized out of the phone and punched you in the face.
In the first version of the AHCA, anyone making 30,000 a year or less would have had to serve as the personal butler of the closest WASP, given a fifty mile radius, for three months or more in order to receive health insurance premiums under 300 dollars a month.
Anyone currently on Obamacare would've had to report to the courthouse to be branded as a communist and/or failure for life.
You would have received a tax credit for being sterilized, provided your net earnings were under 25,000 a year.
Upon denying coverage, insurers would've been required to bring up either god, guns, or abortion.
All claims could be rejected, provided the claimant was a woman/transgender/liberal/fan of the tv series Girls.
Paul Ryan would've gotten a kick back from every P90X package sold.
Ted Nugent fans would've been rewarded with a venereal disease of their choice upon every doctor's visit (they consider this a reward).
Before picking up medicine at your local pharmacy, the customer would've had to pledge loyalty to Supreme Leader Donald Trump.
Any woman seeking abortion was captured and processed by a private police force, where she would be forced to carry the child to term so that said child could serve as an indentured servant to Trump supporters making over 100,000 a year.
People could chip away at their gigantic medical debt by volunteering to build Trump's wall.
Preexisting conditions included not voting Republican, being under an 8 on the classic 1 to 10 hotness scale (females only), and spreading atheism. Essential benefits can suck it!
Before committing euthanasia, people suffering with expensive conditions would have been able to pick an heir to receive a tax credit for their suicide.
You would've gotten a tax credit for being white, male, and possessing an IQ under 90.
You would've gotten a tax credit for having insurance.
You would've gotten a tax credit for not having insurance.