"Life is a box of chocolates that God stole and smashed in your face."
"Birthdays are a tally kept to tell you how little you have left to live."
"Jesus had himself taken out. Why shouldn't you?"
"Kiss me like a dog."
"Bark when I tell you to bark."
"I've got a knife in my back pocket, and my sail set with the wind. Wherever I go, I hope they have plenty of liquor."
"That back alley trap had eyes like a giant squid, and a pair of knockers like bowling balls."
"Sweetness is the ichor that kills."
"No one wants to find religion. Religion finds you."
"Take my guitar picks, I don't want them anymore."
"The last man that told me what to do got syphilis and a bag of rocks for Christmas."
"What problem ails you that a case of Miller Light won't fix?"
"Sometimes I'm so sad that I can't get up to take a shit."
"Money is opium for strangers."
"Never met a dwarf that didn't like to eat catfood right out of your hand."
"Cats is the definitive work of the twentieth century."
"Whatever she had going for her, it ain't workin' no more."
"I'd rather eat a leather shoe than sing at the Grand Ole Oprey again."
"Hank Williams saw the abyss and the abyss stared back."
"I carry a camera around at all times so that they'll know how I died."
"Meat is not murder. It's what I got in my pants."
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