Professional bodybuilders Dave and Arnold Conan answer your questions about weight lifting, dieting, love, and Freudian psychology! Seriously, these guys have all the answers!
SecretInternetFatty asks "Why can't I get to a 315 lbs squat?"
Arnold: Because you're a pussy.
Dave: Low-T. That's the answer for everything nowadays.
Arnold: But really, you're not lifting very hard if you can't squat 315 lbs. Three plates is baby weight. My mom can squat that.
Dave: Quit being a pussy is the answer.
Arnold: A better question might be "Why do I suck at life, and should I kill myself?"
Dave: That's a sad question.
Arnold: They usually are.
HoldenCaulfieldsGhost asks "If you could bang any chick off of any commercial, who would you bang?"
Arnold: An interesting question.
Dave: Easy answer. The Wendy's chick.
Arnold: The fat one?
Dave: No, the red-headed minx they have harping about hamburgers like she's addicted to beef.
Arnold: Oh, she's addicted to beef all right. Yeah, that chick looks like she'd do dirty things. Dark, unspeakable things that would make you question whether there's something legitimately wrong with you.
Dave: Now I have a question. Would you be in on a threesome with the Wendy's chick and Ronald McDonald?
Arnold: Clowns like little kids.
Dave: You didn't answer the question.
Arnold: No, but I'd be in on a threesome with fake Wendy's chick and the real Wendy.
Dave: Next question, please.
CODIsReal69 asks "What protein you dudes on? Where can I get some of that shit?"
Arnold: We are on the special protein. You can't find it in stores.
Dave: We are on MadDog's Super-duper hyper-whey isolate, formulated with pig testicles and virgin's blood.
Arnold: Protein powder is a rip-off. Most of it is spiked with taurine, which throws off the amino acid profile. What you're paying for is not what you're getting.
Dave: We recommend you buy more meat. More meat is always the answer.
Arnold: Eat double your body weight in protein a day, and we'll be asking you what protein you're on.
Shittyshittybangbang asks "Who was the better Freudian psychologist? Dr. Frasier Crane or Niles?"
Arnold: Frasier, 'cuz Kelsey Grammer is my boy.
Dave: Dude was born to play the Beast.
Arnold: Next question.
Jesuswasripped asks "What superhero actor achieved a physique comparable to the character they portrayed?"
Arnold: Awesome question.
Dave: A much debated question between the two of us.
Arnold: I say Henry Cavill, though the new Superman movie kinda sucked.
Dave: Tom Hardy's traps.
Arnold: Not Tom Hardy? Just his traps?
Dave: Yeah, his traps just took over. They became sentient. That stupid voice he did as Bane? That was his traps speaking.
Arnold: He was kind of fat in Batman.
Dave: But his traps!
Arnold: Traps are easy to grow. You just have to lift weights.
ButIalreadyHadDinner asks "If I stop masturbating, will my testosterone count increase?"
Dave: Dumb question of the week award.
Arnold: But there are no dumb questions, Dave.
Dave: There are dumb questions.
Arnold: Why would you want to stop masturbating? Are your gains so precious that you'd forgo sexual satisfaction to preserve them? Masturbate more, motherfucker.
Dave: You'll become a sexual Tyrannosaurus.
Arnold: You could never become a dinosaur, Dave. It just isn't possible.
Dave: A man can hope.
Arnold: Yes, though it's better to masturbate. I think discussion time is over.